


Honeypots

by Natasja



Series: I WILL FIX THIS IF IT KILLS ME [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: BAMF Eggsy, Communication, Eggsy is not stupid, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Honeypot Missions, Seriously they did not think that tracking method through, Statesmen, The Golden Circle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 14:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12654987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natasja/pseuds/Natasja
Summary: Eggsy always knew that there was the chance he would have to seduce a target. He didn't want to hurt Tilde, but he couldn't hide it from her either. Lucky his girlfriend understood doing things you didn't want to in the name of duty.





	Honeypots

At first, Eggsy honestly hadn’t expected… whatever it was he had with Tilde to last beyond a saved-the-world-shag and the promise of not outing him as a secret agent. Somehow, they wound up exchanging phone numbers, with Tilde letting him know when she was in England, or Eggsy sending a text when Kingsman took him to Scandinavia. After the world-wide chaos of V-Day, and the political mess when it was discovered just how high Valentine’s support reached, those visits happened more often than either of them expected.

Kingsmen weren’t supposed to have relationships outside the organisation, but if they did, the daughter of a political figure was probably the best bet. Tilde understood the need for secrecy, that there were some things he couldn’t tell her, and the way duty sometimes called them away on short notice. Plus, princess or not, she was exactly the sort of spitfire that Eggsy fell head over heels for.

Eventually, though, they were teetering on the edge of officially dating, and there was a serious conversation that they needed to have before the potential relationship went any further.

Eggsy invited the princess back to his house, formerly Harry’s, where they were less likely to be overheard. Merlin probably had some kind of surveillance in all the safe-houses, but he was the last person to spread it around. Despite popular expectations, Eggsy did know how to cook (or he and Daisy might well have starved during the Dean years), and Kingsman training had expanded his skills in that area. 

The other candidates might have thought it beneath them, but it only took a few nights in the middle of nowhere, with Roxy and Eggsy both refusing to cook for more than themselves, before Charlie and the rest caved.

With dinner on the table and wine poured, Eggsy took the plunge. “I think there are a few things we need to talk about.”

Tilde put down her fork. “Yes. Do you want to start?”

He nodded, trying to organise his thoughts. “Kingsmen don’t really retire. We might switch from fieldwork to support, but we never really stop being part of it all.”

Tilde agreed. “I can understand that. Will you have a cover that the press will accept, when they get wind of us?”

Eggsy smirked. “If they can get past Merlin’s firewalls, then we deserve to get caught. There’s one other thing, though, and I’ll understand if it’s a deal-breaker.”

Tilde raised an eyebrow and took a gulp of her wine. “Go on.”

Eggsy dropped the smirk, as serious as he had ever been. “There are missions that we call ‘honeypots’. Missions where we have to get close to a target by flirting or seduction, and that sometimes involve sleeping with the target to achieve our objective. We can express a preference not to be sent on those missions, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.”

There was a long pause before Tilde nodded. “I understand. It’s like me having to make nice with people I loathe or would like nothing more than to punch in the face, because they are politically useful.”

Eggsy breathed a sigh of relief that at least she understood in principle. “Exactly! Can you accept that I’ll occasionally have to go on Honeypots, and if so, how do you want to deal with it?”

Tilde thought for another long moment, nibbling lightly on her lower lip. Eggsy resisted the desire to bite it himself. Finally, she nodded. “I believe that I can. Just… let me know if you are going on a honeypot, so I can prepare a response if the papers get wind of it, and shower before you come home. I don’t need to know the details.”

* * *

 

Eggsy didn’t want to think badly of Agent Whiskey, but the man had to be exaggerating his skill with the ladies. Comparing a Countess to an entertainer was almost bound to be taken as an insult, and women like Clara expected to be treated like royalty, not a pick-up at a bar. Eggsy had a window of opportunity to save the situation, and there weren’t any press around, so he had time before he had to send a stealthy text to Tilde.

Casually walking up behind the annoyed blonde, Eggsy leaned against the bar in a pose designed to show off the toned muscles of his arms. Clara had gone for Charlie at one point, and her twitter profile showed a clear preference for muscles. “I think he’s a decade or two off for that, luv. It translates as ‘go away, old man’.”

Clara turned to smile at him, completely ignoring Whiskey as he made what he probably considered a smooth exit. Eggsy mentally ran through her most recent facebook updates, picking out a few points to make Clara think that he was everything she wanted in a man. There had been a spate of ‘spirit animal quizzes’, and a photo album of her trip to the Amazon, mostly consisting of selfies with traditionally-dressed locals. Roxy and Eggsy had laughed over those; anyone with even passing skill in body language could tell that they were only tolerating the spoiled Countess in the hopes of a tip or a sale.

* * *

 

It took all of fifteen minutes for Clara to invite him back to her tent. Eggsy dodged it for a while, making an excuse about needing to find his friends. Coming off like he was only interested in sex was where Whiskey had nearly blown the whole thing, and it was always better if the Mark initiated things, with the belief that it was their idea all along. Eggsy tried not to show how weirded out he was by Clara’s offer of watersports, and escaped into the bathroom, placing a call to Tilde.

She was on the bed in the hotel room, wearing a bathrobe and cuddling JB the second. Eggsy felt a surge of attraction that had nothing to do with sex, and clung to it. “Hey babe. Yanks have really stupid and un-necessarily complicated ways of planting trackers.”

Tilde giggled quietly, picking up on his deliberetly quiet tone. “Well, they can’t all be you, darling.”

Eggsy grinned at her, his mood picking up. “It has to go through a mucas membrane, which means Honeypot. I would have told you at the hotel if I’d known in advance.”

Tilde let out a very un-regal snigger, “I may have to break our rule about not knowing the details.”

Eggsy closed his eyes, “Believe me, I’m going to have words with their R&D team. Not everyone goes to music festivals with the expectation of hooking up, and lesbianism is a thing.”

Tilde sniggered again, clapping a hand over her mouth and doubling over, providing a very nice view of her cleavage, framed by the blonde hair Eggsy loved to stroke in intimate moments. Eggsy smiled softly. “You’re the best, Til. When this is all over, do you think we can have another go at winning your parents over? It’d be good to have their approval.”

Tilde paused for a moment. “Eggsy, was that a proposal?”

His brain almost short-circuited, before he hotwired it back to functioning. “Not yet. I don’t want it to be spur-of-the-moment, and I need to know a lot more about what being your husband would involve, not to mention get your Dad to accept my general existence. You’re the person I want to spend my life with, but I can’t leave Merlin to re-build Kingsman by himself.”

Tilde nodded, looking a touch relieved herself. “Good. I love you, and I’ll see you soon.”

Eggsy gave her the roguish grin that he knew set her on fire. “Love you, too, babe. I’ll tell you everything when I get back.”

Ending the call, he flushed for the sake of appearances and went back into the main portion of the tent, where Clara had changed into a red dressing gown and very obviously nothing else. Standing up, she let it fall to the floor, then bent over in a very exaggerated move to pick it up. Eggsy’s eyes widened, then narrowed, at the sight of a tattoo matching the one found on the Golden Circle thugs.

Well, at least they knew they had the right person. All Eggsy had to do was get her worked up, then step out to get ‘supplies’ and conveniently forget the way back. If nothing else, it would throw Charlie off balance the next time they crossed paths.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: What am I supposed to be doing? Working on my NaNoWriMo novel. What am I actually doing? Getting distracted writing fanfiction.
> 
> I loved Golden Circle, but this scene struck me as just out of place. The novelisation fleshed it out enough to be semi-plausible, but are you seriously telling me that Eggsy didn’t pick between ‘Things We Do Not Discuss With Our Partner’ or talking to Tilde about the possibility of being sent on a Honeypot mission? I don’t buy it.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and that this doesn’t turn into another series of ‘fix-it’ one-shots.
> 
> As ever, constructive criticism is much appreciated.
> 
> Thanks, 
> 
> Nat


End file.
